I am quite late in posting a new blog post. It is not that, I was traveling or enjoying the holidays. I was simply anxious.
I got a work on my platter last Wednesday. I was made the owner of the work. I was asked to present and explain some business case to the top most leaders of my organization. The result, I was anxious. Anxious till it was not over.
There was not much focus on Holi celebration, I buried my head into the task. I gave a pleading look to my husband and asked him to take care of household chores. I was no where to be seen. He made the Gujiya(holi sweet) alone. I did 25 % of the work of making Gujya and all through out the little work that I did, I was worried.
I was worried when I was doing my meditation and didn’t do my Yoga. I decided to focus on them once this whole presentation thing would be over.
By the time, the second day was over, I started feeling more bad. I really hated myself seeing like this.Even in college I used to feel so jealous of people who used to play sports, enjoy sitcoms even a day before the exam. I on the other hand was always feeling stressed out.
Whoo!!! I hated this feeling. Hated that this anxious feeling wouldn’t leave me till the task would be over. It was not that being prepared would had done some good, it was just that this anxiety was a constant partner of mine.
So, while I was still anxious as the task was still at hand. I decided to stop this. I knew that I was not going to master practicing mindfulness but at least I could try.
I knew by practicing mediation I could control some of my anxieties. But the moment I was sitting, my restlessness was shown in my thoughts.
So, I thought of looking out and tried to understand what more was required.
I might had not got all the answers but at least some light was there.
It was the time to start practicing mindfulness.
I realized that
- I worry because of the future consequences.
- I worry for the things/results which are not in my hand.
Some of the things I did, to start practicing mindfulness
- I didn’t try to judge my thoughts.My thoughts were strong negative as to break my confidence, could had made me stressful and effected my performance. I didn’t try to think about the consequence,the bad or the good. I let the result go. What ever be the consequence, I should have the strength and the courage to learn from it.
- I let my worries go.It is seen that only when we get engage in the worry,it stays and we get stuck.I was not thinking about them.Let them come and move on. I was not making any special efforts to think about them.
- I focused on the present moment. When ever I was anxious, I felt so restless and this restless feeling stayed and made me more anxious.It became a type of viscous cycle.I decided not to concentrate on the present.I had the present moment only.Everything else was an illusion, the future or the past.
I am not an expert on mindfulness but these tips helped me. If you want to understand more about it, you can have a look here.
And so what happened to the presentation. I am not thinking about it now, it is past and is gone.Let me now enjoy my present.